Thursday, June 27, 2013

Truths, Life Lessons, and/ or Irony...You be the judge.

Over my years of life, I've certainly come to learn some very valuable lessons.  Albeit, it's only been a tickle under 30 years, but I still see these as ever important in my growing into a responsible and somewhat decent human being.  Some of these lessons have been funny, some inspirational, and some just good to know...and/ or are ironic.  The important thing is, is that these life lessons have made me who I am today and thus I've decided to put pen to paper...errrr fingers to keyboard and list them...what I KNOW today to be truths.  These aren't just the lessons I've learned, but more of a list I've composed of mantras to live by.  Life truths if you will... Laugh, cry, be inspired, hell, write me off as crazy, but please, just Enjoy :)

  1. If you do NOT shave your legs, you WILL: end up at a swimming pool, in a bind and must wear a dress...or back to the college years: a hook-up.
  2. If a full can of Coke is left in your car in the hot summer heat over a weekend, it WILL explode ALL. OVER. YOUR. CAR.  Don't even get me started on this...and do I drink Coke?  Ummmm...NO. 
  3. Drawing obscenities in the frost on people's windshields will undoubtedly uplift your mood during mundane winter mornings.  Try it.  I dare you.
  4. 1 year olds can and WILL find a way to escape or climb onto anything.  Never...and I truly mean, NEVER underestimate them.
  5. Saying you will diet tomorrow NEVER WORKS
  6. When a toddler is left alone with a bag of groceries as you go to your car to get more, he/ she WILL find the only glass container amongst the mass and proceed to break it and play in the mess.
  7. Going to a grocery store hungry WILL lead to questionable food purchases that'll NEVER be sanely eaten
  8. Chewing with your mouth open or making sounds WILL lead to loss of friends and/ or preferential seating in future endeavors.  Yes, I take full advantage of implicating this rule.  Close your mouth, people. Foul.
  9. a yellow light instinctively pushes me and others (as I've noticed and gathered data) to "gas it".  Literally.
  10. There are times to just keep your mouth shut and others to not.  Admittedly, I've learned this the hard way.  
  11. Bad days happen....get over it.  And don't take it personally if someone takes theirs out on you.
  12. It is literally one hundred times more difficult to burn calories than to refrain from consuming them in the first place.  Just say, "No" people!  Easier said than done...yes, I know.
  13. Children are remarkably honest creatures until we teach them not to be.  Then, around 3rd grade-ish (give or take a few years), they become incredibly talented liars.  Like, seriously though.  You've been warned.
  14. Whenever you're worried about what others think of you, you're really just worried about what you'll think of you.
  15. Whenever you hate something, it hates you back: people, situations, and inanimate objects alike.  Case in point: Mayonnaise.  I detest it and welp, it pretty much shows up everywhere.  Foul.
  16. Credit card debt devours souls.
  17. student loans NEVER go away.
  18. The squeaky wheel gets the grease
  19. if you put a load of laundry in "on the go", you'll inevitably forget about it later and it'll linger in the machine for days.  Then, it's a mildew smell and a rinse, rewash, repeat cycle.  I call this endeavor, "LIFE".  
  20. you'll get more cleaning done in the 10-20 min. before someone comes over than you do in an entire day
  21. Pinterest is NOT conducive to feeling successful, productive, or innovative.  Believe me.  I am NOT inspired and I am NOT impressed.
  22. Everyone thinks they're an above average driver.  Case in point: Brad Thomas.  Have you ever ridden in a car with him?!?
  23. The secret ingredient to anything is usually obscene amounts
  24. A good nine out of ten bad things I've worried about never happened.  A good nine out ten bad things that did happen never occurred to me to worry about.
  25. Sometimes you have to remove certain people from your life, even if they're family.  Example: My sister has yet to meet my child.  If you know the inner-workings of my family, you'd understand.  
  26. There is absolutely NO point in finishing a book you aren't enjoying.  Life is too short for that. Swallow your pride and put it down for good, unfinished.  
  27. Hearing a song you once loved will inexplicably lead to instantaneous jam sessions.  Location...not relevant.
  28. People pick their noses.  Admit do too.
  29. A flush in a restroom usually means a shadoob is happening in the stall next to you, hence the term: courtesy flush.  And if you're not courtesy flushing, could you please jump on board in the name of decency for all mankind?  Thanks.
  30. The person in front of you at a restroom will ALWAYS shadoob, stink, or pee on the seat.  For all intents and purposes, assume the squatting position.
  31. Talking to yourself is allowed...until you start having 2-sided conversations.  You'll start seeming like Tom Hanks on Castaway and when you're not a castaway?  Well, that's just plain creepy.
  32. Walking into doors/ walls hurts.  Avoid at all costs.  If it happens, pretend you meant to, or make joke like, "who put that there?  It must've been built yesterday!"
  33. even if the voices aren't real, they still have good ideas.
  34. You will NEVER and I repeat NEVER, live down the silly mistakes you made as a kid/ young child/ young adult.  Okay, or adult.  Shut up, Bob.  
  35. Impulse purchases are not a great idea...but they sure can be fun.  Correct, Bob?
  36. Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes
  37. Rhinos are obese, white trash unicorns
  38. Toddlers will NEVER miss an opportunity to dump water!  Or juice.  Or milk.  On the floor, on yourself, on the highchair, in the toy box, on the couches...wherever!  Be creative!
  39. Friends really do come and go.  Some come back.  Some don't.  That's sad, but that's okay.
  40. Nobody cares about you as much as they do themselves
  41. If the music you listen to is on the radio or TV, it's pop music.  Pop = popular.  It doesn't matter if there's screaming or singing, loud guitars or soft piano, it's pop music.  I love pop music.  I love unpopular music as well.
  42. You don't have to be promiscuous because you are male and you don't have to be celibate because you're a female.  Do what you want.
  43. Don't let the school system brainwash you into being average.  They will try.  Every step of the way.
  44. Society wants you to be average as well, but you can be exceptional if you'd like.  Again, it's your choice.
  45. Don't be a pushover.  
  46. Memories are priceless.  Write them down daily - even if they seem trivial.  Hence this blog.  Oh, you're over it?!?  Stop reading then!  Boom.
  47. The fact that gay marriage is not recognized is an abomination.  If you support Freedom, you support gay marriage, so get over yourself.  You are no better than anyone.  Boom.
  48. Religion causes a lot of problems.  Beware when discussing in groups.  I have my beliefs, you have yours...let's leave it at that and agree to disagree without further divulging details.  Good?  Okay then...moving on...
  49. Telling someone they're wrong never leads to anything positive.  Even if they are indeed wrong.
  50. If you wear the same pants everyday, no one will notice.  When I was pregs with Jack, I wore variations of the same yoga pants (cleverly disguised as dress pants) practically everyday.
  51. If someone tells you they want the best for you, what they means is they want you to do what they say and follow the rules.  See: school politics.
  52. You should play on a swing set at least once every year.  It is guaranteed to bring a smile to your face.  I LOVE swinging with my students.  It's so exhilarating!   
  53. It really is easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.  Try it next time.
  54. Do what you love, even if you don't get paid for it. I would LOVE to get paid for blogging...I LOVE IT!
  55. Stop texting or checking your phone when you're with other people.  It's rude and it's sad. What is our society coming to?  Can't we have genuine conversations anymore and without technology?!?  Try silencing your phone or ridding of it for a day.  It's liberating.  Seriously.

And FINALLY, some REAL lessons from the Dr. himself...

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