Saturday, September 29, 2012

The Great Outdoors

...still remains to be one of the greatest movies, EVER.  BUT, that's neither here nor there...and the movie is unrelated to this post.

My child LOVES the outdoors with a capital O-U-T-D-O-O-R-S!  Seriously, it's precious.  He could sit there FOREVER just feeling the grass and observing everything around him.  Maybe he should fancy a few new friends from the Robertson family so we can be part of the Duck Dynasty?  Ha!  We LOVE them and are looking for an "in" in any way that we can! Ha, again!

Anyway, I may or may not have gone a bit camera happy on 2 different occasions of lazing around the great outdoors with my great little man.  Enjoy :)

Friday, September 28, 2012

I call foul

There have been many occasions in which more than a few lovelies here and there have dodged getting a full-on "Abby Banker" style tongue lashing...if you know me, you know how my word vomit can tend to spew out and few wish to be covered in the remnants.  I can be nasty, I can be foul.  However, what I see as truly foul are the things that far too many a folk have deemed appropriate to question or say to a pregnant woman and/ or new mommy.  I have experienced them on both sides of that equation and while I find most of these questions morally reprehensible, I can now laugh at the word vomit others tend to spew out, thinking as acceptable behavior.  Folks, I am a new mommy here, 1 of I'm sure at least 23,986,092.4551 others in the world right now too and well, I think I speak for us all when I say that some days we are just happy to visit the facilities solo and without little bits of love accompanying/ screaming for us because I don't know we may have had a brief breech in our 100% attention all day everyday contract for 2.5 seconds or something, let alone deal with your stupidity.  We are in a real-world game of "Survivor" here and I assure you, when you spill a little bit of your word spew out, we will outwit, outlast, and outplay your idiocy to the fullest (and to the finest, I might add).  While I pride myself on being able to talk to anyone at anytime and anywhere, some of these comments were out of line, below the belt, none of your business, over the boundaries, accusatory, judgmental, condescending, out of my comfort zone (which is saying a lot, I might add...few things put me there), or were just simply at the wrong time.

Thus, here's to you, you repeat offenders you, I'm calling out your comments for others to enjoy and have included my responses when these comments/ questions have been made.  While we are laughing at your expense, I might reiterate that I do call FOUL on Y-O-U, you, you, youuuu!

(These are for entertainment purposes only, are in no particular order, will not mention names, and...YES, the questions/ comments made by these friends are 100% true)

DumbDumb #1: (looking at pregnant me) "WOW!  I CANNOT believe how absolutely HUGE you're getting!"
Abby: "Yeah well, I'm 5 months pregnant...what's YOUR excuse?"

DumbDumb #2: "Are you breastfeeding?" (normal question, but it's what came next that was foul)
Abby: "Uhhh yes."
DD1: "Good, because I didn't want to judge you that you're a bad mother."
Abby: "Hmm, yeah okay, thanks.  I see you're still with the cigs, huh?"

DumbDumb #3:  (looking at Jack): "Wow.  We definitely cannot question who HIS father is?"
Abby: "this is too dumb for words.  You are literally too stupid to insult."

DumbDumbs #45654.238 (starting from when Jack was 2 weeks old): "Is he sleeping through the night yet?"
Abby: "um, no...he's 2 weeks old...AND he's breastfed, I expect it to take us some time."
DDs: "Well, mine slept through the night upon fact, he's still sleeping now" (or something equally as idiotic and stupid to make me deem her Mother of the Century)
Abby: "Well then, since you are Wonder Woman and Mommy of the year, why don't you come on over to my house, Miss Baby Whisperer, and doing your thing/ whisper my child to sleep while I take a nap and then promptly punch you in the face so you're clear where we stand, sicko?"

DumbDumb #5: "Oh my gosh, how old is he?!!?"
Abby: "Almost 3 months"
DD: "He's just so tiny.  I would've guessed just a few weeks for sure...just itty-bitty (all accusatory and judgmental and such).  Why's he so small??"
Abby: "Well, you're just so not tiny.  I would've guessed I needed to call ahead to the supermarket and reserve my food.  What's your story?  Let's exchange our backstories over tea and crumpets sometime and while you're busy being not slim, you can relive your journey from here to there with a complete stranger!  Sound good or no?"
**Sidenote: I do admit that I was a bit harsh, but at this juncture in time, I had heard that everywhere I went and was just so. so. over it.  She was saying it like I was a bad mother and well, sorry to one of my most recent foes...but, you had it coming.

DumbDumb #6: "I'm just so stressed because of you not being here.  We all are.  It sucks.  It's really tough and this is your job, you need to be here...your sub is not the employee, you are" and so on.
(did I mention I was only 3 weeks in on my maternity leave?  AND, would've LOST my short-term disability that we so heavily relied on had I even stepped foot in my school for anything lesson/ work related?)
Abby: my response?  THIS post.

DumbDumb #7: (at my house, 4 days before giving birth) "You're an amazing teacher.  You've done amazing things with our kids and our scores and built great relationships and get the kids excited about learning..." (went on and on...yadi, yada)
Abby: "wow!  Thanks!"
DD: "But I'm pink-slipping you"
Abby: "EXCUSE ME?!?  Did I miss something???  Go through that review and tell me one reason WHY?"
DD: "Well, you know...for budgeting.  Thanks for having me in YOUR house" (leaves.  Coward.)
Abby: my response?  Again, THIS post.  Followed by, being happy, happy, happy (say that in Phil Robertson voice, please) at an AMAZING school and realizing this all happened for a reason.  In fact, I may actually owe HIM something because I didn't want to be at HIS school in the first place (Do not be mistaken, I loved, loved, loved my kids, but I knew of HIS reputation and lived up to that bad rap in every sense of the word and more)...and well (and most importantly) because I'm now with a boss I actually respect...and have from the word, "Go" (the same MOST definitely cannot be said for the Cowardly Lion in the convo up there.  But still...4 days before giving birth and with high blood pressure?  And in my own home?  Wow.  I digress, I digress.  His day will come and he will have to face his actions).

Abby: "Excuse me.  How would you like it if I felt you up just a little bit?  Oh you wouldn't because I don't know, I'm a stranger?!?  Then get your hands off MY child.  I don't know where you come from or who you think you are, but THAT is totally unacceptable"

DumbDumb #9: "You're drinking Ale-8?!?  Um, caffeine, much?!?"
Abby: "Well, Sergeant Caffeinator, not that it's ANY of YOUR concern what I put into MY body, but I researched this and there's less caffeine in Ale-8 than most soft drinks. Yeah, like almost 1/7 of what's in that ONE cup of coffee that YOU'RE drinking. Get YOURSELF collected and call me in the morning.  Thanks."

DumbDumb #10: "Whoa! Are you sure there's not two in there?!?"
Abby: "Come a little closer so I can punch you in the face.  Thanks.  Are you sure there's not two pigs attached to your ass?"

DumbDumb #11: "How are you feeling?"
Abby: while this is NOT a degrading question, I do feel that it is a bit robotic and redundant and after answering it 345972-0943 times, I had a robotic answer.  Bu seriously, did he/ she on each occasion want me to go through the entire low-down as follows...?
"Well, I haven't $h!t in a week. I pee like a racehorse roughly 27.56 times more often than I used to.  I haven't seen my feet in months, shaving my legs is a thing of the past. I'm sweating like a pig and am fat as a cow; in fact, I feel like a not so delightful combo of a beached manatee in heat and a sloth in the rainforest. My son is boxing my insides out (LOVED that feeling, though!) and I am jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo.   I'm hotter than Satan's wife in a fit of fire burning passion.  I eat my weight in cereal daily, and I have heartburn that would bring down the Berlin wall. How are YOU feeling now?  Better now that you know what's up with me?"

DumbDumb #12: "Are you excited?"
Abby: "Um no, we didn't try for a year or anything.  I'm thinking of throwing myself off a bridge." (Pause for look of horror).
"Don't worry, I'm only joking.  But to answer your question...No. I'm not excited at all, you dumbdumb nunnamaker.  That's why dad named you Joe Dirt." (look of puzzlement).
"Seriously Newton, Don't ask dumb questions.  Of course I'm excited, but you shouldn't write checks your butt can't cash.  Write that down."

DumbDumb #13: "I know this girl who lost her baby...(it was my sister-in-law's brother's fiance's baby cousin, Tracy,  or something equally as fantastic) at such and such weeks"
Abby: "Wow, I feel so much better now knowing that.  I don't know how I slept at night without you sharing that information.  If you don't mind, I'll go pull all my hairs out in anxiety while simultaneously crying and worrying my eyes out now, thanks."

DumbDumb #14: "Get all the sleep you can now...because you WON'T be when he comes!"
Abby: "Wow, excellent observation.  In all the history of all the pregnant women in all the land, I've never heard that!  Are you sure it won't be one big slumber party?!"

Friday, September 21, 2012

I'm the busiest I've ever been...

...but life is an amazing thing :)

Let's get down to it because let's be serious, it's not like I have much time to spare.  HA!
Y'all, this working momma thing is NO joke.  It is NO joke whatsoever.  Let me be clear, this is NOT a bitchfest...not even close; it's merely me filling you in on the life of these terrifically Thomases.  Up until mid-August, I had pretty much resided myself to not having a teaching job for this year and getting to fulfill my desires of being a stay at home mommy.  Well, health insurance (or lack thereof) didn't really get that memo.  Boo.  Fast forward A WEEKEND and I was accepting a job.  In Georgetown.  At a school I adore, nonetheless, but still, in Georgetown.  Ahhh!  In that ONE weekend, life as we knew it changed.  Was I prepared?  Um...NAH.  I'd like to say that I was, but let's be serious, I was a hot mess.  Still am...buuuut, that's besides the point.  You can stop shaking your head, yes, to that now.

I didn't just dip my toes in the water, per say...I DOVE in head first and have been treading water to stay afloat ever since. Sidenote, do you love metaphors on Friday evenings?!?  Anywho, moving on.  With me, still?
A day in the life of ol' Abby B T involves me getting up every weekday, at 5:30a.m. to pump and get myself beautified (or get the stank off in some capacity, at least) and then Jack's stuff ready for the day.  Jack stays in bed while his Daddy gets ready for work, so no Mommy/ precious boy time there.  Wahhh.  I have to leave Lex by 6:50 at the latest to have plenty of time to make it to my school by 7:15.  Brad then takes Jack to Bob and Suz's (my parents' house) in Winchester and then drives himself back over to Lex to his branch off of Nicholasville Road.  After school, I leave Georgetown and drive to Winchester to get my boy.  Even if I leave school around 3, I still don't get back to my house in Lex until at least 4:30.  As soon as I get home, it is Jack's eating time and then Mommy's pumping time which coincidentally, is a whole other ordeal (apparently, my ta-tas are none too impressed with my new hectic lifestyle and stress and have gone a little melodramatic on me...but like I said, that's a different story, different day) and then Jack has playtime.  By this point in the evening, it is past dinner preparing time.  Jack then plays, we eat, and then it's bedtime for him...but wait, where's my playtime with him?!?

even Jackbaby is exhausted thinking about Mommy's day!  HA!
Yea, while it's not much during the week, I do appreciate every single second with him even more so now, if that was even possible.  He hasn't been having much of Daddy putting him to bed lately so Mama has been doing it every night...but not that I'm complaining, I could hold him sleeping all night...literally.  More one-on-one time and I love, love, looooove it.  Needless to say, after he's down, this mommy is down. for. the. count too.  Yet, some lingering nuisance remains...did I mention I'm also in the midst of my master's?!?  Yes, this procrastinator cannot hide anymore!  Yikes.  I have a few classes that require MUCH of my time as well.  EEEE!  Thus, at this point, I am summoning energy from every last part of my soul.  It isn't always easy, but I think of the end result and the benefits for my child and somehow the energy is mustered for me to burn the midnight oil.  I go to bed exhausted...then rinse and repeat.

I've never felt like a worse mother at points for the lack of time I get to spend with my sweet babe during the week, but then, I've also never felt like a worse teacher for the lack of time I get to spend with my materials and lesson planning during the week too.  It's a never ending cycle of guilt, I tell ya!  Thank goodness for an amazing support system I have in my family and friends!  And thank goodness for an extraordinary school with fantabulously supportive, nonjudgmental, understanding teammates, and a principal I actually LIKE and RESPECT who values family and his staff and their families and isn't on a power trip out "to get people"!

None of this goes without saying though, that while YES, I AM the busiest I have been in a long, long time, I would not trade this life for anything!  My family, my job, my colleagues, my friends, make it all worthwhile. I may be stressed and may feel overwhelmed at times, but I DO love this crazy tragic, sometimes almost magic, awful beautiful life:)  Do you?!?

How could I not love this life with this beautiful babe to come home to?!?

Sunday, September 16, 2012

My Baby...

(Part 2)

gets captivated by everything around him

is figuring out all the bells and whistles of all his toys

has the cutest little cowlick at the front of his hairline...and has the longest, flirty little eyelashes

could play on his tummy for hours

is the silliest boy ever - I mean, just LOOK at that face...hahaha!

always sucks his right thumb...never the left.

is so happy to see Mommy in the afternoons

is so stylish :)

looks bigger in pictures than he actually is

is an equal opportunity chewer.  Absolutely everything goes in the mouth

is the cutest little UK fan

is his Daddy's twin

sat at the table, out to lunch with the fam and didn't fuss once

is getting some teefers in so he gnaws on his fingers...and everyone else's

is a precious blue eyed charmer

throws his head back when he's really laughing

reaches for everything

is propped up on this table all. by. himself!

is giggling at his Papaw.  Always.

is showing his "tired" sign (sucking his thumb while simultaneously hooking his pointer finger over his nose)

loves the ladies

has a crush on this older broad

is getting copied by the little lady holding him

sticks out his tongue and makes babbling noises

My baby...

(Part One)

is super smiley :)

loves to be surrounded by his toys

is a supported sitter

takes FULL advantage of tummy time

cracks me up when he doesn't even try

sucks his right thumb and hooks his fingers over his nose when he's tired

is wearing this for his 6 month pics in a couple of weeks

always grabs his feet

is sitting in his Daddy's chair

is also wearing this in his 6 month pics

will wear this with football leg warmers and a crochet football helmet

looks just like his Daddy

is so inquisitive

is his Daddy's mini-me

dressed to match his Daddy on gameday this past Saturday - right down to the same Ralph Lauren blue gingham Polo shorts

can put a lot of force behind that bite

puts everything in his mouth

loves sitting with his Daddy

had a busy Saturday and had to have a nap while shopping at Sam's Club

can stand for a few seconds at our ottoman

is wobbly on his feet, but we're strength building!

ADORES his Papaw

has gotten so much bigger since the last time this little lady held him

is buddies with this gorgeous gal :)

can make silly faces that Miss Kelsie here can emulate for comedic purposes and it is so, so funny! 

was a glow in the dark skeleton last night in his jammies!

is always playing with his feet.  Always.

stole his Daddy's phone...yummy!