the Catch 22

Our baby boy is changing, growing, and learning with each day and I am L-O-V-I-N-G, loving, LOOOOOOVING getting to see it all!  In a way, I am starting to realize that this still not having a job thing could be a blessing in disguise because I may actually get to stay home with my child and enjoy every last second of this special time!  What an AMAZING thing to be able to do!  Getting a job has never been an issue for me, yet it suddenly is now...maybe this IS a sign?  Maybe this IS the plan?  This IS what is supposed to happen?  Do not be mistaken, I AM ANGRY (beyond belief) with the person who put me US here...he/she is a lousy excuse for a human being, but we won't get into all that; instead we'll focus on what that negative situation is allowing to happen positively now...me possibly staying home with our sweet baby boy for his first 16 months of life.  Holy cow...that'd be sensational!  While we may be stressed about health insurance for our Toots and his ailment prone Mommy, and money may be a little bit tighter, we feel very fortunate that this may be the plan for us.
HOWEVER, that does not go without saying that if I were to get a job, I wouldn't take it...because I most definitely would...but we'll cross that bridge we'll have to build over my tears when (and IF) we get there.  It's such a "catch 22" because the thought of NOT teaching is devastating beyond belief.  Please make absolutely NO mistake about it, I love my job so, so much; it's my passion, I know I'm good at it, it makes my heart smile, and the kids make it hardly feel like work.  HOWEVER, the thought of leaving my precious angel makes me literally weak in the knees and physically ill as well.  But... if it's better for our family (which I assure you it is if we wish to maintain living "comfortably"), I will most definitely take one for the team.  I'll just be that psycho lady sobbing uncontrollably under her desk at points each day. The truth of the matter is though, I wish I could do both, but as time is winding down and the clock is ticking away, I am starting to accept my fate.  It would be an honor to have my job status be full-time Mommy for this year, the Lord knows I'm not ready for this extended maternity leave to end, BUT there will still be tears come August 15th if I'm not in route to a school building.  See?  Catch 22.

Regardless of what happens, THIS FACE will make my day, EVERYDAY: